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pattern: stop f*cking up the earth tank

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The charts from this pattern are from my very first design, the stop f*cking up the earth tote bag. I've always been so proud of how these turned out and have been wanted to turn them into a summer wearable for a while! I hope you enjoy.

Pattern includes: 

  • 20 pages of detailed instructions with photos. 
  • Excel spreadsheet to calculate your sizing information based on your own measurements.
  • An approximate measurement chart for sizes XS-4XL
  • 3 chart options for the front with different views of the earth:  North/South America, Europe/Africa, and Asia/Australia
  • 1 chart for the back:  "STOP F*CKING UP THE EARTH"
  • Linked videos for more advanced techniques like tapestry crochet

Pattern should be accessible for a confident beginner who is willing to read carefully and learn new techniques. This basic tank pattern has been tested up to a 4XL but the formulas should work for any size. 


4.5mm hook (or appropriate hook size for your yarn)

4-5 colors of your favorite DK (weight 3) yarn.*

This is made to measure and you don’t have to meet gauge but it does have to be a lightweight yarn. This pattern will not work with a weight 4 or higher yarn. 

1 main color for the background, ~900-1400 yards

1 contrast color for the outline of the globe (black) ~150yds

1 contrast color for the background of the globe (blue) ~100yds

1 contrast color for the details on the globe (green) ~100 yds

*optional* 1 additional color for the text on the back of the vest (you can also use any of the contrast colors) 


Yarn needle

An extra crochet hook, knitting needle, or cable needle for the i cord edge 

*pattern Appendix includes more detailed information on yardage estimates per approximate size

This pattern is for personal use only. Products made with this pattern should not be sold without the express permission of the creator. The PDF of this pattern may not be shared or recreated in any way. Unauthorized video tutorials made from this pattern are strictly prohibited. Unauthorized translations are prohibited.